tonight marks one month clean, one month of not buying coricidin. the problem is i'm having such strong cravings to use. i want to get high so badly. if i don't do it tonight, i'm gonna do it tomorrow. the cravings are so strong, it really hard to control!!! i just have to write an essay for school and then i can start trippin.
i'm feeling so awful, if I had days left, I would go into the hospital before anything happens. In a way its an escape. I really don't want to be here for the high holidays. I don't want to be anywhere, but if I had to be somewhere, I guess the hospital is a safe place to be.
i cut last night, first time in a while. i was upset about my mother's comment that when I finish therapy then we'll have $$. It was a joke, but I can't stand that everything serious about me always becomes a joke. I was beating my head during the day and I cut at night.
today I had art therapy and I did something abt taking risks. its a collage of life vs. death; good vs. bad. I guess it fits with high holidays coming and me feeling like crap. i'm so sad i just feel like sleeping away the day.
3 comments:
you lied to me ....its okay when are you gonna get it thru ur skull...I am trustworthy. I luv ya very much and do care when u self harm Irt will not trigger me as I have my own demons to fight. I have been and still am pretty sick I miss you so much but please tell me if you are havin a hard time instead of pretending things are ok.. because u know I will find out some how. things with me are not ok but we need to be able to support each other call me ....JEn
i didn't lie. i told u that comment really bothered me. and you've been out of commission for the last few days, not answering phone calls, and in bed sleeping, so its not as if i was able to talk to you.
**I meant the comment that my mother said.
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