I've joined the fat girls club. I gained so much weight I don't know what to do with myself. I wanna just take a blade and chop off my stomach. I went to a wedding last night and a classmate said to another classmate, who is that, cuz she didn't recognize me. Did I change that much? I feel so out of place in this world. Where do I belong? I have no idea.
Well, I started school so that's one thing keeping me busy. Its' gonna be a hard semester, but after that I'm finished. Once I'm done, who knows what comes next. After being certified, I don't know if I'll be able to get a job. Or maybe I'll be sent away come January.
I don't fit in at school, which I don't mind, because I know I'm Orthodox and I'm different. I specifically don't wear pants to school, because I want to be separate, I don't want to mix in. However, its' hard not to fit in anywhere. I don't fit in in school, don't fit in with my old friends even though I still hang out with them.
I've been depressed lately and I don't know what's causing it. Even though I've been clean, I 'm not happy. I feel like I'm not even heading in the direction of my life goals. Like the life I want is too far out of my reach to even try. But I don't want to give up. I feel myself losing the battle. I'm feeling really PMSy and I haven't even gotten my period since I've been in the hospital. I'm just too fat for that!
2 comments:
you are not fat...U are being to hard on yourself. I luv u the way u the way u r.
thanx jen, but i really am fat. e/o knows i gained way 2 much weight. i'm sure some is from my meds but the rest is from me - i eat way too much!!!!!
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